sticksandbones IC Inbox

[cryopathy]

kiera canorus aurelius

netbook · overflow

©

weasel's note: kiera's handwriting is a neat, flowing script somewhere between print and cursive.

they can most often be found at the barn, either tending to animals or in the attached stablemaster's quarters, or at the watchtower bar, either as a patron or occasionally tending bar.

plotting contact: PM // fuckweasel // discord @ fuckweasel

Comments

[unheiring]

[The next time the siblings are on shift together, Luca's mood is significantly different. He fusses with his hands, can't seem to stand still. More than once, he opens his mouth, then closes it, failing to say something that seems to be eating away at him.

It's probably obvious as to why. Luca oscillates between looking at Clive with furrowed brows, and looking anywhere but. Asked about it, he'll brush Kiera off, or try to play it off

At least until the last patron leaves. Only then does Luca shift and... take a seat at the bar. There's a loud thunk as he flops down.]

[cryopathy]

[while kiera can't relate, she's studied people and the way they interact for plenty long enough to have her suspicions. to her credit, she doesn't embarrass luca in front of any clientele.

once they're all gone and he plops his own ass onto a barstool, she'll look up from her measly little closing tasks and shoot him a wry smile.]

And what will you be having, stranger?

[unheiring]

[He lifts his head just long enough to fix Kiera with the most miserable of looks, then thuds his head down once more. After a long, drawn out groan, he manages:]

Advice. Please.

[cryopathy]

[a quiet chuckle rises from their chest, despite themself.]

Good grief. We both know you're barking up the wrong tree, but alright, I'll humor you your Tending Bar Entry Exam.

So long as you let me drink on the job.

[unheiring]

Mmmgh...

[He flaps his hand a few times. It's as good of a yes as any. Otherwise, Kiera's going to have to deal with some muffled chatter.]

I worry I'm not good enough for him, Kiera. He's a good man, and I'm...

[Another hand flutter.]

[cryopathy]

[oh, thank the beasts. they were definitely sneaking themself a shot (read: 3 shots) of brandy, not cleaning, a moment ago. just going to knock that back while luca's head is down...]

... a good man as well.

I don't see the issue.

[unheiring]

I used to be, maybe. Good. Kind. Gentle. But I -

[He makes another noise, before finally lifting his head to stare at Kiera. Or try, at least. His hair is kind of everywhere.]

I met someone in Cataega. We were awful for each other but... I liked that. I wanted to be carved up and bloody when everything was said and done.

And Clive? He deserves something better than that. Gentle. Loving. And I fear I no longer know how to give that.

[cryopathy]

[clive should still be what she focuses on, but of course kiera locks onto the idea of luca in a relationship or anything similar with someone who would hurt him. they're no stranger to pain being a kink, but after having heard and all but witnessed luca's healing and resurrection... they're fully aware that "carved up and bloody" is not an exaggeration. and most likely not for pleasure, either, but for the exact sense of low self-worth he's displaying right now.

it takes them a long moment of staring off, fingers gripping the bar until their knuckles blanch, before they relax once more with one of their all too convincing false smiles.]

Too bad you're here now!

[another shot, because they can, and because fuck this.]

Sure, you know. Those aren't things you are, they're things you choose to do. And I've seen you choose them, time and again. You've chosen to do "good," talking down our enemy rather than allow our allies to slay her. You've treated me with kindness, welcoming me back into your graces rather than pushing me away -- which you'd be well within your rights to do, given how I've treated you. You're gentle each day with Polaris, with our younger residents.

You're a smart man, Luca. I'm sure you'll think of ways you can apply these things to a... partner. [for his sake, they don't say that word with any sort of derision, as they normally would.]

[unheiring]

[The faint motion isn't lost on Luca, despite the mess of hair blocking his view. He isn't surprised by her reaction. He also doesn't even attempt to temper it. There's nothing he could say that would do so. Alazon had been terrible for him, and yet Luca had come running back to him every time. There was a desperation there.

... he almost missed it.

Instead, Luca focuses on what Kiera says. She... really does make a valid case. Even if he doesn't agree with the words, the effort means much to Luca. He knows these topics are difficult, if not outright alien to her. The fact that she tries at all means everything to him.]

Every day is a struggle to do so. It was... so much easier when I could mindlessly break and destroy. I don't remember how I ever managed kindness before. Not when everything is as... cruel as it is.

[cryopathy]

[well, so long as they're offering advice, kiera supposes they can do the other part that goes with it -- the serving. though they know his tastes almost always run nonalcoholic, they set to preparing two drinks for him -- the first of which requires some ginger and cinnamon to brew into a tea. as they set this in motion, their gaze stays trained on him. seems they're more proficient at this bartending thing than they typically act, and without a doubt, luca knows it.]

Is it a struggle, or does it only seem so when you think about it? From my perspective, it appears to come easy to you, still, when you have the opportunity. I think the biggest obstacle you get tangled up in is your own mind.

[unheiring]

[Luca watches her movement, curiosity plain on his face. He's obviously set her free on the bar many times, knowing she could produce good work. It's a bit different, though, when it comes to her trying to appeal to his own tastes. He's interested to see what she pulls together.

Or was, until she called him the fuck out. He huffs once, lowering his head once more.]


Maybe you are onto something. But I would hate to get so wrapped up in Clive, only to find that I was unsatisfied. He would deserve far better than that.

[cryopathy]

[as the spices steep, kiera leans back onto the bar, elbow propped up and chin in hand, as if she were the one on the barstool, seeking gossip.]

It sounds like you ought to discuss all of this with him, as terrifying a prospect as it is.

[unheiring]

[Luca groans and outright flops down once more.]

I was trying to avoid that. [He huffs against the wood grain.] Since when do you talk sense, anyway?

[cryopathy]

[oh, nooo, the grown ass man has to talk about his grown ass feelings like a grown ass adult!

is what kiera wants to say, but they're very hesitant to tease luca on this matter, currently. they don't want to give him any more reason to be antsy about it.

no, instead, they strain the spices from the tea, add a generous amount of honey, and a shot of that brandy. and just in case he isn't interested, they pour a short glass of apple juice as well, pushing them both over to him.]

Did you not come here specifically asking me to knock some sense into you?

[unheiring]

[Kiera is so kind to him. And not just because she skips taunting him. He accepts both drinks, allowing a little sip of the apple juice before taking the tea. He sips it, only wincing slightly at the kick of alcohol. It isn't isn't the worst thing he's had, and the spices help.]

Hmph. If I did, I would never give you the satisfaction of knowing that was the case. [Aaaand after a second.] But, I would also thank you in that reality.

[cryopathy]

[kiera smirks, though it's less sharp than usual. whether they're simply pleased that they got luca to taste something alcoholic without him immediately spitting it back out, or at his admittance that they gave sound advice... well, it could very well be both.

while he sips, they get to their actual cleaning, though they never step too far away.]

He cares a great deal for you. [that much is obvious, considering the bracelet and the way clive grieved for luca so similarly to kiera.] He'll understand that you have struggles, just the same as I'm sure he does.

[unheiring]

[Luca only sighs in response. Joshua had said the same. He has no reason to doubt either of them, or Clive's own feelings. And really, he doesn't. It's himself that he can't help but question.

Unfortunately, talking it out was going to be the only way it ever cleared up.]

You know... [He isn't deliberately changing the subject but... Hey, it's relevant.] I thanked you already, for remaining with Clive. But now that I have heard more, I feel I should do so again.

I know you, Kiera. You were in rough shape. That you allowed him in at all... it means a lot. I am glad he seems to have your approval.

[cryopathy]

[hm. it's awkward enough to acknowledge that they have feelings, or that they "approve," as he puts it, of luca's partner, but there's an added layer to it still twisting in kiera's gut. they focus on their work for a while, struggling with how to admit it.

at some point, they drop it casually, half turned away, wiping a spill off further down the bar.]

He saw me. Without the eyepatch or the glamour. Hasn't said a word to me about it, then or since. I think I might forgo them entirely.

[unheiring]

[Luca goes from halfway slumped over in his bar stool to completely alert. He has no reason to distrust Clive, or even begin to suspect a poor reaction to Kiera's background, but instinct still drives him. Back when he had traveled through Castilla, when he found himself at his lowest, he'd done everything to be mindful of their secret, and to ensure he would not jeopardize them.

It's a hard habit to break, even here in the Grove.

Still, the fact that they follow it up with a desire to cast the effort aside presumably bodes well, even if it sits uncomfortably at first.]

I can talk to him, if you want. [Which, speaking of...] What... do you want? No one would harm you here but...

[cryopathy]

That's unnecessary.

[as nonchalant as they play it, it's a terrifying prospect for kiera. they've spent their entire life hiding different parts of themself from those around them just to stay alive. but... hm.]

I wouldn't say I want to expose myself, but logically -- the people here didn't bat an eyelash at your part-timer, and there are others who've committed far greater sins than simply existing and still been welcomed. [hats off to you, affo!]

... I simply think history has shown time and again that hiding it only causes trouble, and I would like to be of greater use to you. That means, at least in this world, being more open about my capabilities.

[unheiring]

You are right that people have shrugged off more than simply being born into an ideology you don't agree with.

[But Luca's face shifts into something of a scowl. He crosses his arms over his chest.]

You are free to do what you wish. But don't you dare make it about being of use to me, Ki. I don't need your abilities. I just need you.

[cryopathy]

[they give a dismissive wave of the hand.]

Perhaps that was poor wording on my part. I only think that this is the best way to be here for you, going forward. [who knows if their logic is sound, though. they've been known to do quite impulsive things, especially after bouncing back from things like... last month. luca probably hasn't seen anything quite so drastic out of them, though.]

Maybe I'm just tired of walking into things! We take depth perception for granted, you know.

[unheiring]

Kiera.

[He remains unconvinced. So unconvinced that he slips out of his chair and — sways just a little? Shut up. He's always been a lightweight, they both know it.]

That isn't much better, you know. You have been here for me for over a year now, all without exposing yourself. Clearly you can manage my impulses without any of your skills.

You have to promise me that I am the furthest thing from your mind when considering this. Otherwise I will not accept it. [And with a grunt, he adds:] Otherwise you'll be walking into my fist repeatedly.

[cryopathy]

[when he stands, kiera finally looks at him again, but it's only because they predict his swaying.]

Sit down, Luca. [the tone is that of a scolding parent.]

Well over a year, and what have I done besides gather information, follow you into the forest once, and sit around drinking and waiting for something terrible to happen to you?

I'm not promising you anything.

[unheiring]

[He crosses his arms like a child, but... does indeed sit himself back down. He can't exactly convince them to not be an idiot if he's falling over himself.]

You convinced me to not kill Zonari. Maybe you had some help from the g- from Mamika. But I would not have followed her command alone.

I've... healed because of you, Kiera. So do not sell yourself so short.